It's That Time of Year

to get fiscally raped by school children.

Well, actually it's their parents. Oh, you see them coming from a mile away. You try and avoid all eye contact when you see them timidly walking up to you with that book in their hand.

"My son/daughter's school is having a fund raiser, would you like to buy something?"

Damn. Busted.

You can't not buy something. It's for a little kid, FFS. The guilt sets in as you try to refuse, but you end up looking through the damn book anyway.

Frantically you search for the cheapest item, which is usually a candle for like $35. Alright, that may be exaggerating a bit, more like $12. A $12 value it will not be, young Jedi. It will be a candle that brings new meaning to the word "suck".

As you look through the catalog you see all kinds of stuff. You can get an herb garden for $40. How about wrapping paper? Everyone will be needing wrapping paper soon, and for the bargain price of $99 a roll, you can get that much needed accessory for this time of year and help the schools of this great nation.

Ok, the wrapping paper was like $5 a roll, but it seemed like $99 for what you were getting.

What happened to kids selling a freakin' candy bar? Or better yet, when kids actually sold the stuff their selves?

I know, it's a different time. It's dangerous for kids to go out selling things on their own. I feel more sorry for the parents then for their unwitting victims. They are guilted worse then we are. The private school parents are really in for it, as usually if they don't sell a certain amount they have to buy the crap themselves.

Public school parents are handed a list of all the things their kid can win if they sell a certain amount. Usually they get a ribbon or something as the lowest prize. You don't want you kid to be a loser and not get anything is basically what these books scream at parents.

So out they go into their workplaces, friend's homes, and anywhere else they can pimp out the junk.

You can so tell they don't want to ask you. The guilt is in their eyes when they say, "I know this stuff is expensive. You don't have to buy anything if you don't want to." That is if you are a greedy bastard that doesn't want to help children my mind says back.

I had a strict policy with my niece and nephews that they would sell their own stuff. I would march their asses door to door. If it was for their school, they were going to participate. Ok, and I'll admit it. When you are single and you don't sell this stuff you get a bit of an out, because you haven't pimped anything out to others. Otherwise, you are screwed and have to buy from every person who buys from you. It's this whole vicious cycle.

Then came the 'ef'ing Girl Scouts. Lord don't get me started on the Girl Scouts...

My Sister had a neighbor that always made everything with my niece and her daughter a competition. They were in the 'ef'ing Girl Scouts together, and the neighbor took the kid a day early to all the houses in the neighborhood selling cookies.

This fell on deaf ears to the Girl Scout Association as the Leader was said neighbors best friend.

I could have dealt with this. She could sell them by my house. When my niece and the little girl next door got into a fight over this, the neighbor, who is going to hell because of this by the way, told my poor, 8 year old niece, "Well you won't win anyway. E's Father is going to sell them at work, and you don't have a Father."

Niece came home in tears. Yes, she had a Father, but not exactly an upstanding Father, as when you are drunk all the time you tend to fall a lot. Her parents were divorced, and he wasn't exactly someone she could count on at that time.

She may not have had a Dad that lived with her, but she had an Aunt that could be a real! fucking! bitch.

So off I went to my place of employment with the Girl Scout cookie forms. I was on a mission. There was no way in hell that kid next door was going to win.

I work with over 3,000 people, and I know most of them.

In total, I sold 4,987 boxes of damn Girl Scout cookies, and my niece won a $75 bike.

It took me over a month to deliver them all. I had to borrow a freakin' truck as my Escort would only hold about 200 boxes, packed to the brim. This also took me off the exempt list, and I now have to buy from others. I'm a guilt free victim, as they bought from me. Never mind that is was 10 years ago, once you sell something, you are doomed.

'ef'ing Girl Scouts...