Monday, October 11, 2004

I can't get no satisfaction

Do you know any people that don't really have much ambition in life?

I have this friend that I have had since high school. We both worked at K-Ma-Part together throughout our teen years. W was a real good worker, and like me, by the time she was 17 she was an assistant manager in one of the departments. Thinking back, that would really piss me off if I had a 16 year old for a boss, but I digress...

So W had potential, and was really good with people. As we neared the end of our senior year, I asked her what college she wanted to go to.

"I just want to get married and have babies."

Ummm, ok...

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it was definitely not how I was raised. So W worked at K-Ma-Part until she hooked up with M, who married her after she discovered she was prego.

So W and M got married, and W immediately quit her job. She became a stay-at-home-mom, which I think is very admirable. I would go flipping nuts.

W and M's parents helped them out and put down a nice down payment on a small but nice house. M was in the labor field, and he didn't make much money. He was also laid off a lot.

So W and M have a baby, and she quit a job where she was probably besting her hubby's salary by $7,000 a year. This was 10 years ago, they just have the one child, and live in the same house. They drive the same car, wear the same clothes, and have the same furniture.

Ok, so I'm a snob. I can admit it. I like nice shit. It's not so much the material part that I do not understand. It's the not wanting more part. She's never worked since she quit that job. What the hell could you do all day long with no money, car, and a kid that is in school all day?

She excelled when she did work, and she was just a kid. If she got a job, they could get a second car. Their kid could go to a better school. They could get a bigger house. I'm sure she could go far, because she was really a great manager.

Before you think I am looking down on my friends, think again. It is more like jealousy.

You see, my old friends M and W are satisfied. Satisfaction is something I wonder if I will ever feel in my lifetime.

I am a very focused person. When I started out working doing assembly work, I vowed to myself that I would get to the top of the union food chain, and I did. Then it was like, ok I'm here, what now? What can I tackle? What can I overcome?

I could go management, but I know it would become my life. In all seriousness, I would not stop until I was like the CEO. I wouldn't be satisfied until I was, and then I'd just wonder "what now?" once I got there.

It's like that with everything that I do. I'll redecorate my house. It'll start with one room, but by the time I'm done with that, I'm looking to the next. Then I'll start all over again. I have managed to control myself and not move up the house food chain until I am in a house way to big for myself, my nephew, and the two animals from hell.

Around the time I made the decision to not further my career with my current company, I was looking around. What now? So I started my own company designing websites. I did really well with that, but it was to the point that I would have to either break down and hire employees and quit my job, or just say fuck it.

I said fuck it.

So then I start thinking how I love to write, and I started writing for a mag that I think I wrote about somewhere in this blog-o-mine. I wrote and wrote and did the promotional stuff and didn't stop until I was the columnist with the most mail coming in and the most requests for public appearances.

I quit that for other reasons, but still...I had to tackle it with a vengence and just take over. All the while I have been studying the art of screenwriting and honing my craft. I'm telling you right now, I will not stop until I sell a script.

Will it satisfy me? Probably not.

1 comment:

rancette said...

SOMEONE WHO I CAN RELATE TO! I am totally at the "what now" part of my life. I have accomplished several goals. Five years ago I had a five year plan. However, I didn't have a ten-year plan, because I decided that was too far in advance and I wanted to be flexible and open to things to not limit myself.

But now I've realized some of my old dreams have died. Some of my old dreams have been accomplished. So what the heck do I do now!?!?! It's really aggravating and probably the reason I started therapy. My therapist is like "I don't see that you have any hope or any dreams right now and you need to have those to sink out of your depression." And I do have dreams and stuff, but like you said, they aren't satisfying. oh that really sucks.