Sunday, October 31, 2004

Beating Down My Sis-in-Law

My family is quite unusual, as you might have observed if you've spent any amount of time on my blog. Being raised by the original party people was kind of like having a family with no parents sometimes, as they both were kids at heart.

The third Saturday of every month was game night. My Mom was an incredibly organized person, and we had different days like this. The fourth Saturday was window day, which wasn't nearly as fun.

Game night was special in many aspects. We ordered Pizza!! That was a huge treat. People order out food or go out to eat on a daily basis now, but 20 years ago that was reserved for birthdays, anniversaries, and good report cards in my family.

We had a closet dedicated to game night, and it was packed with every game you can imagine. My parents never dumbed their selves down because we were children, but we did tend to play easier games when we were younger.

My Dad was a huge fan of chess, and we would play that game all the time. He thought it was an important game for kids to learn, and he was right. I really excel with problem solving skills, and playing chess all those years taught me way more then my college degree.

On that Saturday we would go to the closet and pick what we wanted to play that night. When we were younger it was games like Game of Life!, Family feud, Trouble, Monopoly, Dominoes, Chinese Checkers, Yahtzee, and Clue.

As we grew older and all moved out, Trivial Pursuit, Tribond, Risk, Triopoly, Pictionary, and Outburst had taken over as our favorite games, as we would still gather that third Saturday of the month and play.

My brother brought my future sister-in-law over for the first time to one of these game nights. I was the only one who knew her, as we were friends before she started dating my brother.

We grabbed Trivial Pursuit out of the closet and began to play. We are cutthroat when we play anything. We are a bunch of over achievers, and none of us like to lose. Poor K didn't know what to think about all of this I'm sure.

I don't remember who won, but I remember we left K in the dust. The next time we had game night she was just a bit wiser, and she brought her own game with her, Scrabble.

Why we never got into Scrabble before is beyond me. We are all avid readers, and pretty well educated. Scrabble was actually in our closet, at the very bottom, covered in dust.

So sis-in-law suggested that we play Scrabble. She then proceeded to whip all our asses, and whip them bad. Turns out her Grandma was in a nursing home, and she would go there once a week and play Scrabble with her all day, making her a master at Scrabble.

There was only one solution. Bitch had to go down.

It became an obsession really. My Mom went out and bought a Scrabble dictionary. I was over one time and my Mom was banging on the bathroom door telling my Dad to get out. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "He's been in there with the damn Scrabble dictionary for 2 hours. He's hogging it!" she exclaimed.


That game at the bottom of the closet? It was dusted off and never left my parent's table as they (and myself, brother, and sister) played every chance we got. Yes, even my brother was plotting to bring his new girlfriend down.

A second Scrabble dictionary was bought to keep the peace between my parents. They studied relentlessly, and pretty soon began speaking in what seemed like foreign tongues, as none of us could understand a damn word they were saying.

The next game night approached with much trepidition. We were prepared this time, and she wouldn't get over on us again.

It started out friendly enough, but my future sis-in-law began to sweat as every word she challenged was in fact in the Scrabble Dictionary.

The game came to a head when my Mom, the proper southern belle that she is, spelled F-U-C-K for a triple word score. We all sat in amazed silence because we had never heard my Mom say that word, much less spell it. Hell, I don't ever remember her saying "Damn".

My future sis-in-law turned beet red and said, "You can't use that!" "It's in the Scrabble Dictionary!" my Mom said, and sure as shit it was.

Hence began the argument over "The Queen's English" vs. "The Scrabble Dictionary" and the Scrabble Dictionary won out of course, because once we knew we could spell dirty words, bitch was really going down.

My Dad layed "S-H-I-T-H-E-A-D" out across the board. Whaddya know? It was in there. An innocent game of Scrabble turned NC17 real quick, and we proceed to knock my future sis-in-law in the dirt.

My Mom ended up winning with the word "A-S-S-H-O-L-E". We would play Scrabble after that, but never with the future sis-in-law. She said if we weren't going to play right, she didn't want to play. Now we might not like to lose, but at least we weren't poor sports.

I'm sure she learned a lot about my family those first game nights. Considering she stuck around is a testament to how much she loves my brother I think.


Anonymous said...


This is a great post! Especially when you said, "Bitch was really going down." I laughed my ass off! Damn these blogger comments, though! At least you allow anonymous posters!


Anonymous said...

i have a game night with some of my friends and two of them are just as competitive as it seems your family is. they actually played so much risk that they took tissue paper and redefined all of the countries and borders on the board so it was more challenging.


Anonymous said...

The ducks, the games, the halloween. . . Oooooooo I want INTO YOUR FAMILY. Hey, you need to write a book.