Saturday, October 30, 2004

It's time to get the Duck

out of the shed. My poor nephew, the heavy lifter in my household is nominated. "It's a goose" he says.


My Mom called me all in a panic because someone had stripped her duck I mean goose. Hell, I'm calling it a damn duck because that's what I have always called it.

So someone had stolen her little hula girl outfit off her cement duck that sits on her front porch.

Yes, you heard me right. My Mom dresses up a ceramic duck on her front porch. When I bought my house, I received one of these ducks as a present. One of my very own. How lucky can a girl get?

This is what they look like for the fortunate people that don't live in the Midwest:

Ehh hem...

It's a Midwestern thing I think. I've never seen them anywhere else in the country. Some sick and demented Midwesterner one day looked at a cement duck and said, "Hey! We should dress that thing!"

They have every freakin' outfit you can image. Halloween costume (hence the hula girl outfit), Christmas outfits, Thanksgiving outfits, Rain Coats, St. Patrick's Day outfits....The list is endless....

What was I saying? Oh yes, so my Mom's duck is now naked on her front porch. The horror. She wanted me to go online and order her another hula outfit, because that is what she wants it to be for Halloween. She doesn't like to buy anything on the Internet unless it comes from Bloomies, because you know you can trust Bloomies, right??

Ok, we need to back the fuck up here for a minute. Why my Mother, who once wore a Channel suit to a biker party (long story) would ever be involved with something so so so...cheesy? Tacky? Corny? This is way beyond me.

So Mom wants me to order it a new hula outfit, and I tell her she won't get it in time. She doesn't care, as long as it's replaced. She also says she is going to be stalking little children on Halloween to see if they have on a little hula outfit.

For F*ck's Sake....

It gets worse, oh how much worse it gets...My Father also has a Duck. My Mom justified buying two by saying that she got one for my Dad.

Now my Father, being the manly man that he is, wasn't about to take this lying down. If it was his duck, it was his duck. It wears a cubs shirt and one of those hats with the beer can and the hose that goes to it's mouth umm beak?

I asked him one time if he wanted a different outfit for his duck, as finding a present for either of my parents is a major chore. "Mine's a guy duck. He doesn't need to change clothes. All he needs is the Cubs and beer."


To hear my Father tell it, my Mom's duck took advantage of his duck after a long night of drinking beer, as his duck would never procreate with a girl duck dressed as Mrs. Santa Clause (it never really, it doesn't), and little baby ducks were left.

That's right. They have little baby ducks, in little baby duck outfits. Even though my Mom was thrilled to death with her present, my Dad deserves to get shot for buying those.

I bet those people she lives by think she is a fucking nut. It is bad enough to be a "yankee" living in the South, but then start dressing up ducks in your front yard. I'm surprised they haven't burnt down her house yet...

Where was I? Oh yes, so my Mom called to complain about the stripping of her duck, and it reminded me that I better get mine out of the shed.

I wouldn't ever want to hurt her feelings, and she was just so damn proud when she gave me my very own duck. My sister, the Evile person that she is, was a hell of a lot smarter then me and told my Mom that someone stold hers.

So I break out the duck whenever my parental units visit. She always comments on how I keep it's clothes so nice and how they don't fade at all up North.

Sure they don't. eh hem...

In exciting news, my Grandpa got his certificate in Basic Internet from an adult continuing education class at his local community college. He already has one for Basic Computing.

He is an emailing fool now, can use NetMeeting, and has found some people that were in his Platoon from WWII. I heart my Grandpa...

He's 90. He went back to college @ 89. We are all slackers. lol

In more unrelated news, what do you think of the design? If you come here a couple of times a day you would have noticed the different looks I was fiddling with. It's nothing major, but it's something that makes it my own I guess.

I started thinking Oooo I could do a flash movie for the top or I could animate this or that. Then I, as that weird lady with the shaved head used to say, "Stopped the Insanity!" and just kept it simple. You like?

Comment update: Mindy writes in that she wants to hear more about #41 and 42 in my hot 100 ok 50 list. She said she couldn't comment because she's not a Blog Spot member and emailed me, but take heart! If you are not a member you can post anonymously and just sign your name/blog url at the end.

I'll see what I can do Mindy, thanks for the email!


LeeAnn said...

Oh my God the duck thing... ok, we're from the Midwest and we have our own duck-like obsession. It's called papier-maché animals - we make them and then we dress them up. They're maybe two feet tall. It's just so wrong on so many levels, but we have Oscar (the frog) and Lucy (the... duck!) on our porch right now.

Meanwhile, that's incredibly cute about your grandpa.

Anonymous said...

kj followed you over from mindsay, I'm fishouttawater btw. originally from the midwest, now living on the east coast, and we have those concrete front porch living geese here as well. two in my neighborhood, in fact. actually the preschool kids do enjoy seeing the change of costume. and probably somebody else does, too, but I can't think of who right now! ; ) sounds like your parents are having fun with their little concrete grandgeese...

jen said...

i surfed by from BE and started reading this post, and i'm sitting here cracking up at the thought of these ducks all dressed up on your mom's porch now. your dad's duck, does sound pretty cool, though.

and, go grandpa!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the chuckle, I needed it. The pilgrim pic is a hoot. Let your Mom have her fun if it makes her smile. Thanks for sharing! :-)


kj4ever said...

My Grandpa is the coolest.

Ok, I'll admit that when I was a kid I used to like to see what different ducks would have