Monday, October 25, 2004

Break out the flannel...

I just couldn't wait to get home from work last night. It was calling to me...

My Winter-ized bed. Yes, in my hung over state yesterday I decided I still needed to be productive, and I broke out the winter linens.

Flannel sheets are a must, topped with a quilt my Grandma made and an electric blanket. Freshly washed, they must smell of lavender and chamomile, and the electric blanket setting must be at a full "10"-both sides.

My last long term relationship bought me one of those dual electric blankies because I would sweat him right out of the bed.

I'm a chick, and like most chicks, I get cold rather easily. I also like to keep the heat low at night, because it is so much better for sleeping. I've also been known to crack the window in the winter because of the need for fresh, cold air.

Ahh, the only thing that sucks about sleeping like that in the winter is getting up.


But I digress....again... So I was coming home from work, still dragging a bit from the night before's festivities. My beautiful, girly, warm/hot bed was calling my name. I got home, put on some silk jammies, grabbed a cross word puzzle, and cuddled up in the middle of my big, warm, lightly scented bed.

Heaven. Pure, unadulterated heaven.

As I reached over to turn the lights off, I thought only one thing might make this experience a bit more enjoyable.

A big, warm, lightly scented man.

Then my temporary insanity ceased and I snuggled down and went to sleep.

It's not that I don't enjoy the umm benefits from a big, warm, lightly scented man, because believe me, I do. I don't enjoy the act of actually sleeping with a big, warm, lightly scented man. Unless of course, they stay on their own side of the damn bed and leave me alone.

Harsh? Why yes, yes it is. Sleeping is an art form for me. It is one of my favorite hobbies, one that I don't get to induldge in very much except for the mandatory oh yeah if I don't sleep I could die part.

It never fails, that I end up with a damn cuddler. Every guy I have spent the night with (which granted hasn't been many as I am picky about who is good enough to touch me) has been a damn cuddler. Hold me. blech...

I'm not totally against cuddling as a whole, just not while I'm sleeping. Don't touch me. Leave me alone. Act like the Berlin wall is between us.

The only thing worse then being a cuddler is being a cuddler enabler, which I found out happens to be the case with me.

My last serious relationship had a few snags. His sister was best friends with his ex girlfriend. Being the cool chick that I am, this didn't really bother me. It did call for some rather uncomfortable situations, but we dealt with it.

One time his sister had a few people over, and she was there. They brought out this game called "Scruples" I think. You had to either make up a story or tell a real story and people vote on if it is the truth or not. When it was my turn I went into this tirade about how he pins me with his big (and rather yummy) thigh during the night and won't leave me the hell alone while I'm sleeping.

Ex girlfriend was like, "HA! I KNOW that's a lie!!" Umm, no, no it's not. You could tell by the look on her face that they had spent many a night bitching over the hold me scenario, and it wasn't him saying it.

So the bastard wasn't always a cuddler, eh? What the hell???

It's because I did not want to be cuddled. Simple, right?

I asked him about this on the way home. He confirmed my suspicions that they had spent many a night arguing over it, and he always felt like he had to cuddle her.

We actually had a wonderful discussion because of this. He explained that women bitch and bitch so bad about it, that major guilt is brought on if they don't. If they don't cuddle someone until their arm is asleep and they are totally uncomfortable, they are an insensitive slob that doesn't care.

So when I took a pass on the cuddling stuff, he, subconsciously equated that with, "She doesn't care" and in turn tried to cuddle more.

What a vicious cycle, FFS! We had a wonderful sleeping relationship after that.

Are you cuddlers out there taking notes? If you want to be cuddled while sleeping, act like you don't want to be cuddled, or better yet, have a rational conversation about it.


SilverBubble said...

But, but... rational conversations aren't allowed! Didn't you get the memo? Men and women are supposed to dance warily around each other until they think they know what the other wants but wind up doing the exact opposite. Communication is forbidden!

kj4ever said...

So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong all these years...communicating!!!

Who'd a thunk it?