Thursday, December 09, 2004

No Way In Hell

I read this article yesterday in the Chicago Sun Times. You can read it here if you want to curl up in the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep tonight.

Yes, they claim that big hair is back, along with it's tragic sidekick, the perm.

For the

I'm a total hair sheep. Ba Ba Ba. I admit, I change to the popular styles. It has always been a great fear of mine to be one of those women that look like they were stuck in a time warp some twenty years ago.

I have the best hair ever. It is thick, but not coarse. I probably have enough hair for two people. It's wavy, but not so curly that it is fried if I straighten it. A little bit of product and ionizer and I have a full head of I just got out of bed curls.

It also grows like 2 to 3 inches a month. Yes, I am a hair factory that has made the peeps over at Locks of Love very, very happy. So changing to a new style isn't that big of a deal for me, as it will grow out soon enough.

But I will draw the line at big hair. I shall never have "wings" again. I shall never have bangs that stick straight up in the air like a proud parot again.

Most of all, I will never, ever, ever, did I say never? get another perm as long as I live.

The last time I got a perm, it was from my Aunt in 1991. My brother was getting married, and I found this really cute cut I wanted that had these big loose shoulder length curls.

She said I needed a perm for it, and I protested. My Aunt wasn't exactly the best hairstylist in the world, but my Mom made me go to her out of that whole family loyalty crap. When it comes to hair, family loyalty should be null and void.

So she talked me into it, saying my hair just wasn't curly enough for this style.

She proceeded to give me the afro from hell.

It is the only time I actually cried in a salon. Sobbed might be a better way to explain it. Hysterically crying to the point of insanity describes it even better.

I just lost it. My brother was getting married in 3 weeks, and I looked like I had a blonde brillo pad on top of my head.

My Mom called me because my Aunt had called her all upset because I was upset and caused a "scene". Bitch. Anyway, my Mom kept saying, "It can't be that bad." She came over, and once she saw my hair, she said I was not allowed to ever let my Aunt touch my hair again.

We did everything we could to fix it, but one of the bad things of having great hair is that damn perm took hold and wouldn't let go. We tried all the tricks, and it just didn't work. I finally went to a really overpriced salon that sort of fixed it, but by that time my hair was so fried that it might have looked better as a blonde afro.

So I don't care how "new" these "new perms" are they are talking about in that article. I don't care if they don't smell as bad or if they have different techniques with varying roller size.

It will be over my dead body that another perm solution shall ever touch my scalp.

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