Thursday, December 30, 2004

Bozo the Sadist

So I called my best friend R's Mom yesterday to have her bring the tape. The Mother of all Embarrassing Child Traumatic Moment Tapes.

The Bozo Tape.

It's a yearly tradition really, where we bust out the Bozo Tape and have a good laugh at my best friend's expense.

When she was born in October of 1970 her Aunt ordered her Bozo tickets. They came a good 12 years later. Talk about a waiting list, eh?

So we all packed in the car to see Bozo, even though we were 12 years old. Hell, no one from school would watch the show, as 6th graders didn't watch such silly things as Bozo, and it was a day off school.

As we stood in line a lady distributed numbers for the "Bozo Puter", you know, the new high tech way they were picking the person for The Grand Prize Game. Gone were the arrows that went around the TV screen, Bozo was high tech.

The lady passed up R, probably because R had already "developed" and she figured R was way over 12. R was quite shy and didn't say anything, but God knows I wasn't. "Hey! My friend didn't get a number!"

Number lady just kind of looked at me sarcastically and kept going. "I SAID SHE DIDN'T GET A NUMBER." At this point R and her Mom (who is also quite shy) were like "It's ok..." Umm, no it's not. "HEY LADY!" She was about to give the number to a little kid and came back and gave it to R, probably just to get me to shut up.

I so bet you know where this is going....

So the Bozo puter is spinning out of control looking for the 2 lucky children that get to play The Grand Prize Game. We may have been 12, but hell if you got to bucket #6 you won a bike. Not to shabby.

The numbers spun wildly and stopped on 245. Guess who had 245? Yup, much to her horror, R had 245. I think she was going to act like she didn't have it, but the way I was clapping and screaming she didn't have much of a choice.

We had prepared for the bozo show in true 80's style, with the big hair, Jordache Jeans, and tattoos on our face. R slowly walked up to the stage to play the game, when I heard her Mom exclaim, "Oh my God."

You see, there must have been a big ball of used tape on R's seat, and it was firmly stuck to her butt crack.

Bozo kind of looked as shocked as one can look dressed as Bozo, and asked, "How old are you little girl?" R managed to squeak out 12, but you could so tell that Bozo didn't believe her. "What's that on your face?" he asked. "It's a tattoo."

Bozo kind of looked around not knowing what to do. You could tell that he didn't believe that she was 12, but the tape was rolling and there wasn't a whole lot he could do.

So she began to play The Grand! Prize! Game! and lost horribly on bucket number 2.

That's right, bucket number 2. She was probably like 5'6. The game is really set up for little kids, and she probably could reach all the way over to bucket number 6. We laughed at her hysterically when she came back to her seat.

The other person chosen to play The Grand! Prize! Game! was a 4 year old that made it to bucket number 5. All this did was make us howl with laughter even more.

I was chosen to play a balloon squashing game, and I totally buried all those little 4 and 5 year olds, grabbing the balloons up so much faster then them. I won a pink poodle phone which never worked.

So the traumatic experience that was Bozo was over, and we went home. The show aired like 2 weeks later, and I spent the night at R's to watch it before school the next morning.

In horror she saw the big ball of used tape stuck to her butt crack. We laughed at her all over again, and we noticed that Bozo seemed to check out her boobs while she was trying to make bucket number 2.

"He was not" was all she would say, but dude, he totally was.

Much to our chargin we found out that people from school most certainly did watch Bozo, and we were teased a bit when we got to school. R was mortified, and I was slightly amused that all these kids were laughing at us for going to Bozo, yet they were watching it at home.

We'll break out the Bozo tape as R covers her face in her hands on NYE, and we'll laugh hysterically while she walks up to the game with her big ball of tape in her butt crack.

We'll also scream "Chester!" during the moment where Bozo is caught on film checking out her boobage.

Ah, good times....If you wan't make fun of your friend's most embarrassing moments, who can you make fun of?

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