I need to get in contact with Hollywood stat. In the never ending stream of thought that goes through my mind, I just had a brilliant idea...
I know the studios in Hollywood have all these test audiences before a movie comes out. They fill out a form, and sometimes it even is taken so seriously that the movie is changed.
I'm sure this costs a nice chunk of change, having all those people there. It would be way more economical to have just one person that could point all your plot holes, unnecessary scenes, and bad dialog with just one action: snoring.
(I know, I know...Gnomes have nothing to do with this post but I have not given up the fight!!)
Our family rates movies by "elbows". My Mom will call me and say they just seen a 3 elbow movie or a 6 elbow movie. The more elbows my Father gets during a movie, the more problems there are.
He has a real short attention span. I have studied film and screenwriting, and it is amazing to me that just when something isn't moving the story forward, should have never made it into the movie, or is just plain bad my Dad promptly falls asleep and begins to snore.
I remember going to see "The Firm" with Tom Cruise. My Dad was on his second elbow. He was snoring rather loudly, so my Mom whacked him a good one to which he said rather loudly, "I was just resting my eyes!" The whole theater roared with laughter, and did the minute he started snoring after that. To this day I have never seen the ending of "The Firm", and just mentioning it makes my Mom twitch.
There have been rare instances of the phenominon that is known as the zero elbow movie. Shindler's List....Good Will Hunting....There's Something About Mary...Star Wars... These are few and far between, and there aren't a hell of a lot more then the ones I just typed.
Basically, he has a real, undiscovered talent. If anyone has any ideas on how I can Ho him out, it'd be much appreciated.