Monday, September 20, 2004

Lovers vs. the Love'ees

When people fall in love they each take a roll. One is the Lover, and one is the Love'ee, or at least that is my take on it.

The Lover is just head over heals for this other person and can't get enough. Sure the Love'ee has kind and romantic feelings for the Lover, but their feelings and passion don't quite match up to the intensity of the Lover. Love'ees put up with the Lovers because of their fondness and love for them, even though it can get to be a bit much at times.

I have been the love'ee several times in my adult life, and the Lover once. Being the Lover, in my opinion, sucks major ass.

His name was P, and I met him from the Internet. I know, I know Red Light! right? I swore I would never do that, but he lived close to me and technically I met him briefly before talking to him on the Internet. He was at a function for a magazine that I used to write for, and he ended up emailing me from the website of that magazine. We got to "know" each other on the Internet.

At first, he wasn't the type of guy that I would find attractive. He was balding a bit, wasn't exactly physically fit, and was very pale. This paints a pretty picture, eh? What he lacked in the looks department, he made up for in the personality and intellect department three fold.

He kind of snuck up on me through the emails and IM sessions. By the time we starting doing "friend" things IRL (in real life *rolls eyes*) I was already smitten.

P had all kinds of ideas and dreams and we had long discussions about a million different things. He wasn't doing well in the financial department, but he had great ambitions (which payed off later big time). Ambition in a man and a man that goes for what he wants are the two most attractive qualities to me. Looks have never been all that important to me, and this guy was knocking my socks off with his wit and charm.

By the time we started seeing each other romantically I was hooked. Oh, he cared about me, but I don't think he was ever really comfortable with the relationship. He used to talk about how love was just chemicals and all that before we started dating. Unfortunately I found out this was true once we started dating.

After dating about 4 months, he informed me he was going snowboarding for the weekend with some buddies. Being the low maintenance kind of chick that I am, I started planning my first free weekend in some time with friends.

I always had this nagging feeling about him. I knew I was the Lover, but I didn't want to admit it. That has got to be the worst feeling in the world-insecurity, and I have felt that few times in my life. Yeah, I'm a bitch.

So Sunday night came and went with no word from P. I called his house around 9 pm because I wanted to make sure he got home ok. No answer. I went to bed feeling just a bit worried that something had happened.

Work came and went on Monday and still no word from P. You have to realize, this is someone I had spent a great deal of time with for about 6 months. I'm not the kind of chick you have to call everyday, but it would have been nice to know he was ok. What was really starting to worry me was I even said on his machine, "Call me and let me know you got home ok."

I really started to worry on Tuesday, so what did I do? I went psycho chick. I called his house like 5 times that day from work. I did a drive-by when I got off work. No, not with a gun, but when you drive-by someone's house to see if they are there. He wasn't. He had a dog, and I started worrying about it being left alone in the townhouse for all that time. He had never said what he was doing with the dog while he was away. I decided to take a look in his patio doors to see if the dog was in there. I was walking up to the door, I saw his landlord. When I asked him about P, he said, "Yeah, he just left. You two get in a fight or something?"

I was livid. LIVID.

Did I say I was LIVID? Because I was. LIVID.

Right then and there I went from being the Lover to the Dumper. I walked away from that damn townhouse bound and determined never to speak to that man again. Of course this didn't happen, as he called me the next weekend to "explain."

His "explanation" was that he was confused about the relationship and needed time to think. That's find and dandy dude, but he could of told me so that I didn't have visions of him tumbling down a big mountain breaking every bone in his body, which him laying helpless at the bottom dying a slow, miserable death.

I have a unique and probably not so good quality of going from love to I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you in record time. It was to late for P. I was no longer the Lover, and basically I had lost my trust and respect in him. When I lose trust, it is over, finshed, caput or however the hell you spell it.

Funny thing was, once I was no longer the Lover, he decided he couldn't live without me. He turned into the Lover big time, and stalked my ass relentlessly until I threatened a restraining order.

Is this why I am usually the Love'ee? I'm more of a realist when it comes to love and really just about everything in life. I don't need to hang on people or be with them 24/7. Does this turn people into the Lover?

1 comment:

rancette said...

oh gosh, i hear you. It's like... there was this guy I dated, but he never wanted to commit. So I'm like, where is this going dude!?!?!? And since the answer was nowhere, I decided to dump him.

Really, I didn't really care about him much at first. Maybe he was more of the pursuer. But as I began to care about him more, I began to see he didn't really care enough to make it work. Sad, sad...