And the Winner Is...

Not Star Jones. Star Jones ruined my Woman's Playoffs.

Star Jones. Sucks. Ass.

What a freakin' disappointment. What was an even bigger disappointment was seeing that I could get the Joan and Melissa show, when I thought I couldn't because I have Direct TV.

I thought my fellow Fashion Watchers were going to kill me after we put up with 1 hour and 45 minutes of Star saying "Absolutely" to every damn thing. That and "I'm not supposed to gush but..." to EVERYONE. Every time. Annoying as hell.

Fuck me running...

I think the actual stars know that Star. Sucks. Ass. too because a whole bunch of them didn't talk to her. We saw more stars in the last 15 minutes of the Joan and Melissa show then the whole 1 hour and 45 minutes of nails going down the chalk board that was Star Jones.

We had to watch aftershows to see most of the dresses. There was no Nicole, no Halle...No Charlize and no Renee on the E! coverage. I don't know if these people were on the Joan and Melissa show, but the usual suspects usually are.

I will also blame Ms. Jones if I gain 5 pounds because the anxiety of missing all the good shit resulted in me eating way more pizza and ice cream and cookies then I normally would.

It didn't turn out all bad, as the awards show was quite entertaining, and much better then most shows in the past. It was much more loose, much more free or sumfin.

As we sat there screaming "BOTOX" at the people's faces that didn't move while they smiled and laughed their way through their acceptance speeches, I made a mental list of my favs of the night.

Jennifer Garner looked absolutely stunning in a racy red number that showed off her well defined back. If I was bi-curious, I'd do her.

Halle. Oh Halle. That color on her. The one shoulder deal. She is possibly the hottest woman to ever live. If I was bi-curious, I'd do her.

Terri Hatcher gets double points for a really fucking cool dress and a very humble acceptance speech. You can't help but love someone that says "I was a has-been," during their speech. She gets points off for the immobile forehead though, and if I was bi-curious and had a couple of drinks, I'd probably do her.

Nicole. Loved the color, hated the peacock strap-thing. My friend R loved it though, so maybe I'm just not into the whole exotic animals as clothing thing. If I were bi-curious, I don't think I'd do her. Too skinny. I think I'd like my women with some curves..

Scarlett Johansson was totally stunning as well. She picked a great pastel color that went perfect with her hair. She also wasn't spilling out of her dress like she has a tendency to do, and it just looked so much more classy. Yep, I'd do her if I were bi-curious.

Hillary Swank gave me the worst case of Dress Envy of the night. If I were to go and could pick any dress to wear, it would be hers. Totally fabulous. Yeah, yeah, I'd do her too.

Damn I'm a huzzy....

Dresses that didn't impress? Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett, and Merle Streep. Natalie and Cate took some risks though, and that is cool in itself. If I were bi-curious, I wouldn't do any of them. My bitch would be lookin' good...

People that I would do just from looking at them with no change in my sexual orientation: Julian McMahon was hott with 2 t's. Smokin' hot. I mean, fine.

Ummm...Where there other men there besides Mr. Nip/Tuck himself? I'm not sure. I don't think any of us noticed anyone else after seeing him during his god awful interview with Bridezilla. We just kind of sat their with our mouths open in a chocolate/pizza induces hormonal haze after seeing him.

My best friend R was disappointed that Matt Damon wasn't there (or we didn't see him, thanks a lot Ms. Jones) because he is her "freebie". You know, when married women make that deal with their husband that if the opportunity ever presents itself that they are allowed? I'm single. Everyone is my freebie. lol

Leo looked pretty good, but his hair was like plastered down. Hair is an important factor in my do-ability rating scale. What the hell, don't these people hire people to make them look good? His hair stylists needs to pick another profession..

Did I tell you how hott Julian looked?

I must admit that I'd do Mr. Scorsese just because I'd hope maybe some of his genius would rub off on me. Hey, that's why God invented the dark, right?

So even with the Jones fiasco and missing the main reason we get together, a good time was still had by all. I may or may not go into more detail at a later time, but it is now time for me to go to sleep and have wonderful dreams about Julian if I'm lucky.

Damn, is 34 to old to have a crush on a star?