Thursday, January 12, 2006

Team Jolie

So Angelina Jolie is really pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby. Many people are split on this issue, saying Angelina is a home wrecking bitch that spoiled poor Jennifer Aniston's perfect marriage to our modern day golden boy.

I'm on team Jolie, if only for one reason. That bitch Jennifer needs to stay away from my man Vince.

I could really care less what celebrities do. I try real hard to not know what the hell is going on in the world of celebrity debauchery, but that is becoming increasingly hard when even the CNN crawl announces this drivel.

My sister, The Lemon, follows this shit like the gospel. I remember she wouldn't go to The Trump, a gambling boat here in the Chicago area, because he cheated on Ivana.


I find it hard to believe anyone is innocent in this situation, but Jolie turning up prego kind of surprised me. There was this one interview with her where she said something along the lines of she probably wouldn't have children naturally because of there being so many children with no homes in the world.

After much debate at work yesterday among the hens (and by hens I mean the MEN), I brought this point up. One of the few women I work with said, "But it's BRAD PITT. Who wouldn't have a kid with Brad Pitt!!!"

I wouldn't. I think he looks like a girlie boy. He's so little. In an art sense I can appreciate his perfectly chiseled body, but other then that I don't find him all that attractive.

Yes, go ahead and kick me out of the woman club. I think Brad Pitt looks like a real pussy, and I hate saying that word, but it's the only one I can think of to describe him.

A lot of these Hollywood men remind me of that. Look at Tom Cruise. I bet my 9 year old niece could kick the crap out of him on the playground without batting an eye. If I'm going to be with a man, my 9 year old niece better not be a threat.

I'm a tall girl, clocking in around 5'8 and 140 pounds. The man I am with better have a more threatening presence then my size 7 junior ass. I mean, if I were out with Brad Pitt and someone came up to us in a menacing way, I'd feel the need to say, "Stand back honey, I'll save you," because the menacing dude would probably be more scared of me then him.

Damn that was an awful run-on sentence. Anyway....

But if I were with Vince Vaughn........

Now I'm not the type to develop celebrity crushes, but God Damn is that man fine. I sure wouldn't feel the need to protect HIM. In fact, I highly doubt any threatening menacing type dudes would even approach someone like him.

I don't want to come off sounding like some wimpy female that needs a man to protect her. Keep in mind that I grew up with a brother that was 4 years older then me, and is around 6'5. I'm a tough chick.

But I make my own money, pay my own bills. If I'm going to be in a relationship he better bring something different to the table, and sheer size and strength is a great plus in my book.

Oh, and Vince isn't prettier then me. Oh, and I could wear heals without towering over him. Who wants to date a guy with better cheek bones then you? Who wants to date a guy that would look better dressed up then you?

Fuck that. Give me Vince any day. This is why I am on Team Jolie, because Jennifer has done went and stole my future hubby.

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