Tuesday, January 03, 2006

The Space Between

We are over. We know this. We can handle doing the friends with benefits thing. I mean really, we know how different we are. It would be so much easier if we didn't have so much fun together.
The space between
The tears we cry is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more
The space between
The wicked lies we tell to keep us safe from the pain

My God I freakin' hate it when people quote shit in their blogs, especially when it is about lovey-dovey relationship crap.

Please excuse me while I vomit all over my own this blows post.

I'm putting all the blame of this abomination on Dave Matthews and out of control hormones. He needs to stop writing songs about my life and get his own fucking life.
The space between
Your heart and mind
Is the space we'll fill with time

We fought over the remote because you wanted to watch CNN and I was watching South Park. You told me I need to know what's going on in the world. I told you that I know what's going on in the world, thankyouverymuch, which is why I need to laugh and watch South Park.
The space between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding
Waiting for you

I should move on. You should move on. We never should have done what we did. Neither one of us has the ability to compromise what needs to be compromised to make this work. The ability to hang out and enjoy "benefits" without the feelings is something else we just don't have.
The space between
The bullets in our fire fight
Is where I'll be hiding waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splashed in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into your room

I wanted to come to you on Saturday, but you wanted me to come on Friday. You wanted me to leave on Monday, but I had things to do and needed to be back home Sunday. We actually compromised, and I came on Friday and left on Sunday.

But it wasn't enough for you. You full well expected me to stay until Monday, because men like you are just used to getting what you want. You've always gotten what you wanted, until me.
Look at us spinning out in the madness of a rollercoaster
You know you went off like the devil in the church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

I just don't care about $200 dinners or $500 Campaign. I don't care about fancy parties filled with important people. Just being with you would have been enough for me, and in your world paved in gold you can't seem to wrap your brain around that.

You could not buy that extra day.

You will never be able to buy me, and the part that stings is you can't comprehend that. You keep trying.
You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I've got all the time for you love

You sent me this part of Dave's song a long time ago, remember? When you first moved?

So I didn't quit you so quickly. I did go on a hiatus for about a year, but never really quit you. What you failed to realize was it wasn't that I had no hope in you, but you had no hope in me.
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild eyed beast you be

And I need to quit you. I know this now. I knew when you cruely shut me out last Sunday afternoon, when you realized I was really going to leave. I knew when you called me to apologize. You said you couldn't bare to see me walk away yet again, and just wanted more. Why can't you see that it is your actions that make me walk away, time and time again?
These fickle fuddled words confuse me
Like will it rain today
We waste the hours with talking talking
These twisted games we're playing

It's really just a big, complicated game, isn't it? You are all about winning this game, and I'm just about surviving it.

To survive, I must quit this game now. I don't think we can be friends for awhile, even friends without benefits, because it isn't healthy for you or for me. Yes, it breaks my heart, but I am used to that as I left little shattered pieces of it every time I left you.

Was it a mistake? This weekend?

If it got me to this point, no, no it wasn't, even if it feels like the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

The space between
The space between

At least I didn't break out Grey Street. Will you forgive me for this post if I promise to return you to your regularily scheduled crazy ass blonde chick tomorrow?

*Late Addition*
After writing this I noticed it fell into the new Blogging 4 Books competition and I entered it. Check out B4B here.

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