Thursday, February 02, 2006

It's Unnatural I Tell You

I have a secret that I'm going to share with you, dear reader.

I think having babies is the most unnatural thing in the world.

Now I know you are sitting there either scratching your head or staring at these words in disbelief. Isn't giving birth supposed to be the most natural thing in the world? Isn't that part of our biological need?

Not to me. While most people coo and ahhh over pregnant women, they just plain

I full well blame all of this on my my sister.

You see, when I was in 8th grade she decided to give birth to my oldest nephew. She was newly married, and living a couple of hours away from us. My parents sent me down to help, as she would be moving back to our home town once the baby was born.

I was actually really excited about all of this. Even though I was the last child born in our family in a really long time, and oh my God was I the baby, being an Aunt just seemed like the coolest thing in the world. Going to "help" just was the coolest thing ever.

So I went, and my sister and I got along for what was probably the first time in our lives. Probably the only time, too. Even then the site of her tummy moving on it's own made me a bit uneasy. It was way to out of the movie Aliens for me. I mean, here was this new life force, moving by itself, something that you can't control in your own body.....

After I was there a couple of weeks she decided to go into labor and guess what? Her new hubby was no where to be found. So my 13 year old ass got to go to the hospital.....

For whatever reason they didn't think it was strange for a 13 year old to be present while they did all that stuff they do before you have a baby. I'll never forget seeing that contraction monitor going through the roof every time she had a contraction. I'll never forget that nurse putting the monitor on my nephew's head and her arm disappearing up to her elbow.

It was the best birth control anyone could ever give a 13 year old girl. I swore I would never, ever have sex. Until a sexy army ranger came along that is.......


So I was traumatized big time. Even without this experience I think the whole being pregnant stuff would Yes, I can be a bit of a control freak, so having something that I have absolutely no control over for 9 months would just not suit me well.

When I went to the baby shower everyone was cooing and touching her stomach. I kept that stomach at a 3 feet distance from myself at all times.

Go ahead, kick me out of the women's club. I can't help it. I don't like babies either.

Ok, so now you are thinking I'm some freak of nature, right? I can't help it I tell ya....

Once they can hold their own head up and all that I'm cool. Before that though, they

Y'all are gonna go away forever now, right? Are you pointing and laughing at the freak of nature woman that thinks pregnancy is unnatural and babies are creepy?

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