Thursday, September 07, 2006

Damn Disney to Hell

So if you have read this blog for any amount of time you may have come to realize that I love Halloween a little more then the average person.

Ok, I love it a lot more then the average person. The annual Halloween party that is thrown by my friends and I is the party of the year. It is the party that people talk about for months afterwards. It is the party that turns people into insecure 15 year olds praying they get an invite.

I'm having a bit of an issue this year. You see, my bestest friends and I always do some kind of theme. Like last year we were fairies, and another year we were fembots.

Well this year someone came up with the brilliant idea to be Princesses from Disney. Ok, the idiot was me. Originally we wanted to be Kiss, but since my sis-in-law just had twins in February it is going to take her another year to have her body spandex-ready.

Anyway, so I thought it would be cute to do the whole Disney Princess thing. Actually I have always always always wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween.

So I was excited when I found out that a local party store had their costumes out already. I went found a beautiful deluxe Cinderella costume. Just gorgeous.

Then I remembered why we are usually so original with our costumes and make them ourself.

The dreaded Adult-Size-Standard.

You see, the costume companies do not exactly anticipate that some of their customers may have bigger then a B Cup. The adult-size standard usually encompasses a size 10-12. No prob, as I'm an 8 on the bottom right?

As I slipped on the beautiful Cinderella dress everything seemed fine. I started zipping it. No problem as the zipper went over the small of my back with ease and room to spare.

Then I got to that spot about 4 inches above the small of my back. The dreaded area that I always have problems with.

About the only way I could get it zipped there would be a yard of material and a miracle from God.

I mean, check out the pictures of these damn disney princesses. They have a little tiny waist. They have no hips to speak of. Oh yes, they also have quite a rack.

Ummm hello that kind of costum would fit perfect!! Why don't they make them like that??? Why do they assume that every person that is a size 10-12 have the breast of a 10-12 year old boy?

What the fuck?

So I checked out some plus-sized costumes thinking that I could get someone to take it in for me. The only one they had was Snow-Freaking-White and I don't wanna be Snow-Freaking-White. They'd also have to cut 3/4 of the damn thing off to fit my damn hips and waist.

This is such bullshit.

So I can either be Snow-Freaking-White, buy the Cinderella costume and try and find fabric to make it bigger, or try like hell to find a plus-sized one somewhere out there on the Internet and get it taken in.

Looking on the Internet has not been working out to well. They have some, but not much in the plus-sized arena as far as Disney goes. Mostly ghastly Mini-Mouse crap. I did come to find a couple of "Sin"-derella costumes.

Sinderella? FFS...... Why is it they try and sexy up all these costumes? Sexy Raggedy Ann....Sexy Bo Peep....Sexy Judge...Yes, that's right, sexy judge. Anytime I have been standing in front of a judge sexy is the last thing I thought of, but I digress from my digression...

So Halloween is not going well so far this year. Will I be Cinderella? Will I be a rather grumpy Snow-Freaking-White? Only time will tell. Stay tuned.

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